I Found Jesus on the Floor

I was raised in the church since I was a toddler. We went to church every Sunday, sang in the choir and held a Tuesday night Bible study in our home. I had always known of Jesus, felt like I had salvation and knew right from wrong. In my adult life, I am more spiritual and don’t regularly attend church, organized religion is somewhat of a controversial issue for me. I never lost my faith, but I definitely wasn’t as connected anymore.

Several years ago, I was suffering from a “Mirena Crash”. The “Mirena Crash” is basically a set of mental and physical symptoms that happen after the removal of a Mirena IUD (even though many health professionals don’t agree that the condition exists). I had never heard of it and if not for my own research, I would have thought I was going insane….in hindsight, I kind of was. My body was no longer my own, I wasn’t feeling like myself at all, but the worst of it was the debilitating generalized anxiety I was feeling.

I had had bouts of anxiety before but never to this extent and not since college. I love Disney World and have always felt happy and safe there. My family and I went on a road trip there to celebrate spring break with my children and I was panicking and anxious the entire time. I had the IUD removed about a month prior and hadn’t connected the dots yet. When we arrived home, I was experiencing intense worry and anxiety. I was afraid to be alone and I thought quite frankly that I was losing my mind. I called my primary care doctor and because she was retiring in a week, she decided to write me two prescriptions. One was for Zoloft and the other was for Vistaril. Something told me not to start the medication….I knew more testing should have been done. I knew that I hadn’t presented with this issue before and I didn’t think that taking the medication would solve the issue. After doing research, I decide to see my OBGYN. That turned out to be a waste of time because I was gaslit into believing that removing my IUD didn’t cause any of the issues I was having.

The anxiety was getting worse. Most days I just “survived” until bedtime and sleep was the only thing that gave me relief. I switched several doctors and none of them were really able to get the the bottom of the issue. Out of desperation, I started talk therapy and turning to the internet to see if anyone else had gone through what I was going through. I found a video on YouTube that featured a husband and a wife talking about what she had been through. It was everything that I was dealing with, I wanted to be hopeful. However, she said it took months for her to get back to some normalcy. I wasn’t sure if I had that long to wait, I couldn’t take the constant anxiety anymore.

I remember laying in my bed and praying. It was more like a conversation asking God to help me because I couldn’t imagine having to live this way much longer. The breaking point for me came when I felt like my entire body was falling apart, I could not stop the anxious thoughts and none of my doctors seemed to be able to help. I was referred to a GI doctor…for no particular reason (more medical gaslighting I assume). I went in a did all of the testing and she wanted to send me for some additional imaging. I knew the imaging wouldn’t find anything and out of frustration I lay in my bedroom floor, pleading with this doctor to help me in some way…she admitted that she was lost and wasn’t sure what to do. She suggested returning to my OBGYN. I was thankful for her honesty but laid in that floor hopeless. I lay there crying, silently. Soon my partner was lying beside me and I could tell by the look in his eyes, he was scared and didn’t know what to do for me. My youngest child joined us in the floor and we all lay there in silence.

I lay there a while longer, alone now and for the first time I felt clarity. I realized that this “thing” wasn’t going to just disappear. I felt like God was speaking to me, telling me if I just believe that he could fix this for me, he would. I prayed with all I had left to give, “Please Lord, take this from me. Relieve me. I give this to you.” I felt like my prayers were heard, truly heard. I felt like Jesus was taking this burden from me and I felt connected deeply to him.

Nothing got better overnight, many of the following days and weeks were really hard, trying and confusing. I kept praying, speaking with Jesus every time I felt anxious and unwell. I continued therapy (and still go to this day), I found natural supplements to curve the anxiety, and I truly believed that my hormones would balance out.

I am not 100% the way I was before the Mirena Crash physically or mentally but spiritually I am in such a better place now. When I wake up the first thing I do is say “Thank you Lord for this day!” and read my devotional. I do this because when I think of those days before Jesus spoke to me and picked me up from that bedroom floor, I am reminded of how far he brought me out of that darkness. This by no means is medical advice, just the story of my experiences. I will leave you with this. “I call out to the Lord when I’m in trouble, and he answers me.” -Psalm 120:1